Meow...

I meant to post this on Friday, but I was at a meeting for most of the day and was unable to get to a computer. Odd that I should actually be working when I'm at work...

Anyway, I had to pick up a business contact from the airport on Friday morning. The kicker was that we had never met before, and only really talked once on the phone together. I had no idea what he looked like. His boss told him that I looked like a short Ashton Kutcher, so there was no way he was going to find me. Basically, my plan was to find the guy who was walking around looking confused.

Once I found out which gate he would be arriving at, I took a seat by the "Oversize and/or Fragile Baggage" conveyor and waited for his plane to land. Now, normal baggage conveyors at airports look something like this:

Notice that this system goes in a loop. That way, if someone isn't there to pick up the luggage, it comes around again on the conveyor. It's important to note that it stays on the conveyor.

While not an exact picture, the "Oversize and/or Fragile Baggage" conveyor is a system like this:

Notice that this system does not go in a loop. Notice the sharp dropoff at the end of the conveyor system. Notice the lack of a pillow or other cushioning material on the floor in the dropoff area.

You're probably thinking something like I was: Well, they must have a sensor at the end or something to prevent anything from actually dropping off. Obviously, the conveyor wouldn't just keep running, dropping any potentially fragile baggage to the hard floor.

So, this cat in a carrier came onto the conveyor...

Damn Those Dirty Anagrams...

I was farting around with the Internet Anagram Server today, and when I typed in "Mr Humble Guy", I got some pretty funny ones (quotes and commas added by Mr Humble Guy for emphasis):

• Hug My Lumber


• Bulgy Hummer


• Lube My "Mr Hug"


• My Lug, Her Bum

Staggity Staggity Staggity...

I've been sorting through the memories of my buddy Justin's stag party this past weekend, trying to figure out which stuff I can write here and which stuff has to die with me. I've summarized what I'm allowed to tell you:

• We had a pony keg of beer (30L), a 12-pack of beer (strictly for golfing), and a texas mickey of rye (3L) that was supposed to last us six guys for the weekend...
  
  On Saturday night, we had to buy four jugs of beer at the bar because we ran out of booze.

• Our cabin was located right on the third hole of the local golf course. We must have sneaked on and played that hole fifty times over the weekend...over half of those times when it was completely dark...and we were stumbling drunk...

• During our golf games, we had the "dink-out" rule in effect. If you ever failed to get your drive past the woman's tee off box, you had to "D.O." (If you still don't get it, just think about it for a sec...)
  
  Take a guess as to who had to pull his "One-Inch Wonder" out...

On another note, pictures from this weekend should be coming soon...and no, there are no "D.O." shots...

Hehe, you said "PEE"...

Brace yourselves, faithful readers. The following post contains immature behaviour and is brought to you by the letter "P"...

When my wife and I first started living together, I was very careful when it came to matters of the bathroom. If possible, I would wait until she was either on another floor or, idealy, out of the house. Then I would lock the bathroom door, put a towel along the bottom crack of the door, turn the fan on, turn the faucet on...anything I could think of to prevent her from hearing me pee. Hell, I would even pee on the inside edge of the bowl just above the water line just so that it wouldn't make a splashing noise.

What was it about the sound of me taking a leak that I didn't want her to hear? It's not like she didn't pee, or didn't know that I peed. Everybody pees! But for some reason, the thought of her hearing any noise that I made in the bathroom scared me. What if she wouldn't love me anymore? Damn my noisy pee!

Well, for better or worse, those days are behind me now. I've noticed that I don't even close the door anymore. Not a conscious choice...I just don't think about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't let her in the bathroom while I'm peeing. If she's putting on makeup or brushing her teeth, I'll kick her out for a minute so I can piss. However, I've recently noticed that I'm missing the most basic step that says, "Don't come in here".

Thankfully, my wife is very understanding of my "lack-of-door-closing" habit. While she doesn't exactly approve, she knows that I've just become comfortable enough around her to let down my pee guard, and the open door is a physical symbol that I am now open enough in our relationship to be free with my pee...

...um...yeah, so if you can't tell, I failed Philosophy 101.

Anyways, the point I'm trying to get at is that if you ever come to my place, an open bathroom door doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not in there. Just a fair warning...

Why do my logos always burn like that?

I used to really love collecting comic books as a kid, so when big budget comic-based movies started to come out, I was right on board. With Spiderman, the Punisher, X-Men, and the Hulk being favorites when I was a kid, I was able to look past any shortcomings they had as a movie and have a good old time watching them.

However, with all these comic-to-movie transitions, I've kinda noticed a disturbing trend. Remember that movie "The Crow" with Brandon Lee? Not sure if that was a comic-based movie, but there was a scene where he lights a fire that burns into the shape of the crow.

Yeah, that was cool! That's the first time I'd ever seen something like that on a movie (not to say it WAS the first...just the first that I'd seen).

Then Daredevil copied it.

...and so did the Punisher

...and most recently, the Fantastic Four.

I could only imagine that they tried to do it in "The Hulk", but the scene with the Hulk peeing his name in fire onto the rocks might have messed up the PG-13 rating.

Man, this chlamydia just won't clear up...

Anyways, the point that I'm trying to get across is this: Marvel, it's been done already. Probably many more times than just the ones I mentioned here. So in the hundreds of movies you're planning to do in the next year, could you please try something a little different? It's getting kinda old.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for shooting the final scene in my biographical movie, "Mr Humble Guy: Better Than A Kick In The Junk". It's a big budget special effects scene where I light a fire that says "MR HUMBLE GUY" in my neighbours yard...

That's Amore!

This weekend, Mrs Humble and I were privileged to be invited to a lovely wedding: that of my boss. It was being held outdoors in a beautiful garden, surrounded by ferns and flowers, and graced with wonderful weather. The dresses were beautiful, the bride was stunning, and the groom was equally dashing. Yes indeed, love was in the air.

Too bad he got the name wrong when he was saying his vows. Ouch...

Honestly, it wasn't as bad as it sounds. He said her middle name first when repeating back what the priest was dictating. But still, it's not exactly getting your new life together off on the right foot.

I suppose it's also not a good sign when the unity candle, the symbol of your new life together, goes out...

...and neither of you goes to relight it...