Civic Abomination

Man, I hate Civics. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they're fine cars and all, but I personally can't stand them. It's the image that they try to convey: "We're hip! We're with it! We're down with that shit!" This is made even worse by the fact that Civic's are now being associated with gangs, thugs, and other ne'er do wells. Who would have thought that? "Yo, Big K! We gonna roll down past that trippah Shashy's crib and bust some caps...but I want to get good fuel milage, so let's take my Japanese import, m'kay?"

To cap things off, I saw a Civic "Street Edition" in the parking lot yesterday. It had a "Street Edition" decal on it to obviously distinguish it from the "Monster Truck Off-Road Edition". I mean, seriously: "Street Edition"? That's retarded. The people who thought of it are retarded. There are a bunch of retarded CEO's in an office full of retarded peons spitting out retarded ideas like "Street Edition" every day. Every day is "Fucking Retard Convention Day" at that office.

Anyways, I've come up with some suggestions for a few new special editions:

Civic: Free From Terror Edition

Civic: Oscar Meyer Weiner Edition

Civic: Where It Belongs Edition

Worst...Tagline...Ever...

I was driving home for lunch yesterday when I passed what looked to be a large green dumptruck, and I couldn't help but notice what this paper recycling company had for a slogan. It was such a stupid tagline that I had to do a double-take because I couldn't believe it. Such a stupid tagline that I forgot what the company was called. Luckily, thanks to my buddy Iron Keith, I found the company name and have the proof that I need.

View Exhibit A (note that the company name has been removed, since Mr Humble doesn't feel like getting sued by said company with the worst tagline ever).

Exhibit B, the circled area blown up

I know that it's low quality, so if you can't read it, the tagline says, "We Pay Cash". That's the tagline for the company. That's the stupidest thing I've heard so far this year. A tagline should say something that appeals to your target customers while still maintaining some dignity. For example, the tagline for Mr Lube: Doing it right. Before Your Eyes®. It implies that when you go to Mr Lube, they'll perform the service on your vehicle at a brisk pace. There is a difference between that and "Mr Lube: We Change The Oil In Your Car". Sure, they both have a message, only the first one doesn't beat you over the head with it.

Besides, even if the company wants to be blunt, it's passing along the wrong message. This company recycles paper...it doesn't pick up prostitutes.

Rockin' Radio...

Every time I get into my car, I'm reminded why I don't listen to the radio. There actually was a long period of time where I was riding upon the Popular Music train, and radio wasn't half bad. But soon, I'd just had enough and jumped off, leaving radio to continue on its merry way. Now really, this shouldn't be a problem, since there should be a radio station for every genre of every era. My problem is that I like music that doesn't suck. There is music that sucks in ever genre of every era, and radio loves to play it.

The local rock station should be the station to listen to, since rock is the shit. Well, some rock is the shit. Actually, a lot of rock is just shit. We've seemed to move past the whole TheoryOfAPuddleStaindNickelCreed brand of rock and moved on to the PowerPopPosingAsRock style. Sum 41 anyone? Don't fool yourself, it's short of "Can You Count Sum 41 Different Ways We Suck Cock?". And to make it worse, those diverse cock suckers misspelled "some". The local rock station has a commercial running now that says "It's been six years...that's a long time to wait for Green Day". And I say, "Not long enough. Why can't these fuckers take the Kurt Cobain approach?"

And to make things worse, this station has the longest commercial breaks imaginable, made even longer by the stations own friggin' long promotional commercials. "You're listening (listening...listening....)...to Edmonton's best Rock (Rock...Rock...)...Playing the classic rock you love (love...love...)...and the new rock you need (need...need...)...Edmonton's Best Rock (Rock...Rock...)...One-hundred point three (three...three...)...The Bear (Bear...Bear...) ROAR!!!!"

Well, while I was listening (listening...listening...)...to this shit in my car (car...car...)...I already fucking got to where I was going (going...going)...so go fuck yourself (yourself...yourself...).

Pretty sad considering this is probably the best station in Edmonton.

Updates soon...I promise...

I know that it's been awhile since I've updated, but I promise that I'll get back to my regular schedule of insults and mockery soon. I have a major project just about out the door, and it's been sucking up all of my blogging time (not to mention home time, weekend time, Mrs Humble time).

So just keep your pants on. I'm just about done.

Dead Man Dying...

Long story short, I worked a 22 hour shift last night...and I still showed up to work on time this morning.

Fin.