Weekly Wednesday Asshat Award...
Okay, so this didn't actually happen this past week, but I only heard about this story on Tuesday, so it counts. You want to bitch about it? Who's blog is this, huh? That's right, it's mine. I make the rules, so shut the fuck up when I'm talking.
The prestigious "Mr Humble Guy Award for Outstanding Asshattery" trophy is awarded this week to one Shayna Richardson.
Wondering who the hell Shayna Richardson is? Well, back on October 9th, Shayna Richardson was going skydiving solo for the first time. While she was falling, her main chute failed. Her backup chute didn't fully deploy. You know what that means: it's crunch time.
At a speed of about 50mph, she landed face first in an asphalt parking lot...and lived.
The made-for-cable miracle story gets even better: during her reconstructive surgery, doctors found out that Shayna was pregnant...and the baby also lived. So far, we're still doing good.
So, are you wondering why she won this week's Asshat award?
Bitchtits wants to jump again.
Miss Shayna Richardson, let me explain something to you very carefully. If you survive something like that, God obviously wants either you or your baby to live for some reason. But he's also trying to say that YOU SHOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!
He could have made your backup chute open at the last second.
He could have caused a huge wind gust to slow your decent to that of a feather.
Instead, he chose to let you break your fall with your face to teach you a lesson. What lesson was that? Watch your step, bitch. You're fucking pissing me off.
Shayna Richardson had a terrible accident. That's unfortunate. It's the fact that she chose not to learn anything from it that makes her an asshat. I proudly award this week's "Mr Humble Guy Award For Outstanding Asshattery" trophy to Shayna Richardson.
Don't get any big ideas, Shayna. This trophy is afraid of heights.Now watch as I die of cancer while the "Skydiving-Faceplant Extraordinaire" lives to the ripe old age of 132. Sometimes there's no justice.
posted by mr_humble_guy @ 7:15 a.m.
13 comments
13 Comments:
oh man, i saw that too, did you seeeee that jiggedy grill? dang, them were some teeth!
i mean seriously, didn't she hit a house with her face or something? so really she looks amazing considering, but still. daaaang.
I actually saw something about this on a news program today. That woman is quite the idiot....worthy of the asshattery award. Good choice MHG!
LMAO!
Glad I ran across this blog!
Great post...You are hilarious!
Very funny post. Great award and a well-deserved recipient.
After living through the skydiving mishap, she'll probably die in a far less dramatic fall by slipping on a banana peel in the grocery store or something.
There's a few new faces on the ol' blog these days. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I really appreciate it.
What really gets me is that this happened back in October. It's not like she just suddenly came back to life. How come she's all over the news now?
Rocky - With all those metal plates in her head, I'm actually thinking it'll be more dramatic. (Insert story about metal detectors exploding or super powerful electromagnets here)
I'm actually a friend of the Richardsons. The reason that Shayna plans to skydive again, is because she loves it. It takes a strong person to survive that type of accident and pull up their bootstraps and face what some would come to fear and do it again.
Who are you to judge what God expects of others? Maybe his plan is to use her to show others that you should not fear but face your fears?
If you were in a near death car accident caused by another person, would you feel that God wants you to never drive or be in a car again, because the next time he'll make sure you die?
I'm not trying to argue or put you down....and if your intention is to have fun at her expense, then by all means, enjoy! Free speech is what makes our country wonderful. It is amazing what happened and yes, she may get ridiculed for jumping again, but alot of people will go to great lengths to enjoy life, live it to its fullest and look back at the end on what they did, not what they did not do. I would rather have one day of kick ass fun than a life full of boring days.
dear anonymous,
skydiving is not the same thing as driving a car.
sincerly,
rebecca marie
Rebecca Marie ~
Agreed...just putting the issue into simple terms....take the mountain climber that got lost and eventual stuck under a rock - he ended up cutting his arm off to get out from the rock....he did eventual go back to the scene of the accident....God didn't try killing him again....
I'm not saying that everyone should do what Shayna is doing, but if that is something she feels compelled to do, then she should be commended for it. She may be an asshat to some, but to others she may be considered brave.
also, in shayna's defense... whatter the chances it'll happen to her again?
but in mr. humble guy's defense...
seriously!!!
Understood. But she and her family are honestly smart, nice people and her desire to continue doing what she loves, despite such an accident doesn't make her an idiot, and asshat, or a dumbass. She'll be on David Letterman tonight, tomorrow or Wed (depending on their time schedule). I'm sure Dave will insinuate all of the above, but she'll have a chance to tell everyone why she wants to do it again.
Wow. Thank you, Anonymous, for showing me the error of my ways. I was so blind to think that she must have something to learn from this whole experience that I never considered that if she simply enjoys it, then there is no reason to consider her an asshat.
Man, to think of all the other people I could have incorrectly labeled as "asshats"...
A cancer patient who just had a lung transplant going out for a smoke? That's bravery!
A person with only two fingers left still playing with explosives? Hey, he loves what he does!
A gang member who survives a drive-by shooting only to continue hanging out with the same homies? It'd be criminal to call him an asshat. He's just keeping it real.
Look, I'm sure that the Richardsons are very nice people, and I'm sorry if you were offended by my point of view, but I've got to call it as I see it.
PS - You've written some very nice poetry over the years.
HG ~
Point taken...but my point is that just because she had a horrific accident but wants to try it again, is no reason to call her an asshat, idiot, or dumbass. You don't know her side of the story, just assumed alot from a short clip shown repeatedly on the media.
Listen - I'm not trying to argue with you - just offering a different side of the situation and whereas I'll be the first to make fun of some de-de-de bonehead, it doesn't mean that I am right or wrong.
She's not a cancer patient, she's not in a gang, and she doesn't play with explosives. She knows the consequences of what she plans to do (and alot can happen between now and August) and I can promise that she has alot of corporate sponsors from the skydiving industry that will be providing the equipment for the next jump.
I'm not really offended....just a little taken aback by your view, when I've heard alot of people think that she's quite brave. Personally, you'd never catch me jumpin' out of a plane....
And the reason it's all just on the news now, is that she's basically been in the hospital since this happened in Oct. You'd be surprised at how she looked after the accident (only a quarter size peice of usable bone from the nose down) to how she looks now. It's kind of hard to get a news interview done when your in the hospital. This happened near the end of Oct and I don't believe she was out the first time before Nov.
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