The Greatest Thing...

Since we moved to our new house in Calgary, I've noticed that I'm doing a lot more housework than I used to do. My "friends" like to bug me about this by saying that I'm now wearing the panties in the house. In truth, the reason that I'm doing more housework is that I'm starting to take pride in the appearance of my home, and since I have to spend nearly all of my day there, it might has well look good.

The reason I wear panties is strictly a comfort issue.

Anyway, my wife always used to do the sweeping of the linolium, and apparently the "best" thing to use is a contraption called the Swiffer Sweeper.



From the way that I've heard people talk, you'd think that the Swiffer Sweeper is the greatest thing since sliced bread. These things can supposedly pick up anything: dust, lint, flour, cocoa, gonorrhea...

What was I supposed to think? I had to give it a try. After all, the kitchen just had a little bit of dust. This should be no match for my Swiffer.

I soon found out that "Fucking Useless" is now spelled S-W-I-F-F-E-R.

Look, if I wanted to just push the dirt around the room, I would have used the greatest thing before sliced bread: my fucking foot.


Come to think of it, that whole "sliced bread" saying is fucking retarded. Sliced bread isn't all that impressive. Bread + Sharp Knife = Sliced Bread. It's really that simple. I still think the human foot is more impressive, but I suppose it's a personal preference.

Look on the bright side! At least you still have sliced bread...