Dear Mr. 50 Cent...

Okay, so maybe I'm not the perfect person to be critiquing music or musicians. After all, I dislike pretty much all forms of popular music right now, especially rap/hip hop stuff. However, it's not going to stop me from trying.

Mr. 50 Cent, why the hell are you so bloody popular?

So you got shot 9 times and lived? Well, congratulations. Did you ever think that maybe if you weren't such an asshat, you might not have gotten shot in the first place?

But no...you had to go make a rap album. Now you have millions of dollars with which to spread your general asshattery around. And I get to listen to your monotonous droning every time I turn on a radio. Thank you for that.

Seriously, these text-to-speech programs have more inflection in their voice than you do. Check this shit out.

Anyway, the real reason that I wanted to talk to you was about your new video game. I happened to notice that on the front cover, you look like you're taking a poo that is coming out sideways.

Why the long face? You've lived your life like a piece of shit, and now people can't get enough of you! Come on, let's turn that frown upside-down!


Ugh, that's a face that only a mother could love. Maybe we better work on that a bit.


That's better.

Anyway, I just thought you should smile more. Frowning is for asshats who haven't made millions of dollars performing a god-awful genre of music.

Sincerely,

Mr Humble Guy.

P.S. - Please don't shoot me.