Zero search results...

Every once in awhile, I get a bit of “on the side” website work to do with a friend of mine for a bit of extra cash. Every once in awhile, the extra cash that I make from the “on the side” work is enough to buy some nice things (like my laptop, for example). Every once in awhile, the “on the side” work that I get ends up being a blessing.

Yes, every once in awhile, I really like doing some “on the side” work. But not last night.

I had a project that was supposed to be nice and easy. A really straight-forward job. However, the client was one that was really impatient, and worse, didn’t communicate his ideas well. If I didn’t do things the way he wanted it, he’d get frustrated that “I wasn’t getting it” and threaten to get someone else. And I’d love to say that I don’t need a client like that, but the truth is that I really want to take his money.

Anyway, last night I was really close to being finished the project. All I had to do is upload the pages I created, add a single button to the home page, and this demon project would be cast from my life. Seriously, this should take maybe five minutes.

So obviously, it took much…much longer.

I’m going to try not to bore you with a bunch of technical gobbledygook, so let’s just say that things weren’t working like they were supposed to. The system was set up so that people who knew nothing about html could easily create a webpage. On it’s own, that sounds great, but it honestly becomes extremely difficult if you do know html. I had to dumb myself down to use it. Basically, there was no way for me to upload the html pages that I created. You could only create pages using this system…then copy and paste your html code into said pages. But then some of your html code doesn’t work, so you have to change some stuff, find out were certain images got uploaded to, change a bunch of your links…

And that was all just for the pages that I uploaded. Believe it or not, that was the easy part. The “adding a single button to the home page” was the real bitch. I figured out how to add the graphic (I had to upload it to a section called ‘sponsor’), but I couldn’t figure out how to link it to the pages I had created. Well, luckily for me, the system had THE MOST USELESS HELP MENU EVER. I’m pretty sure the help menu has won awards for how crappy it was. I tried navigating through the 3 or so help menus to no avail, so I thought I could try the handy search engine. Surely that would bring up something.

Okay, ‘link sponsor image’, and search…hmm, “Zero search results”.

What if I try ‘link sponsor’…”Zero search results”.

‘link picture’…”Zero search results”.

‘image target’…”Zero search results”.

‘href’…”Zero search results”.

‘sponsor’…”Zero search results”.

‘website’…”Zero search results”.

‘banana’…”Zero search results”.

‘this search sucks’…”Zero search results”.

‘Compuglobalhypermeganet’…”Zero search results”.

‘the next system to say ‘zero search results’ wants a kick to its three and a half inch floppy’…”Zero search results”.

As you can see, I was getting nowhere. And I was up much later than I wanted to be. Long gone are my days of needing no sleep. This wedding band on my finger sucked out any ability that I had to pull an all-nighter. Seriously, before marriage, I could stay up all night without a problem. Starting the day after I got married, I practically go into a coma if I’m awake past 11pm. Anyways, through a lot of trial and error, I finally got my stupid button link to work. It’s now 1:30am, and my alarm goes off at 5:30am. Time for a power snooze.

Alarm goes off…I refuse to get up.

Mrs. Humble tries to gently get me up…I refuse.

Mrs Humble: Come on. You’re going to be late.
Mr Humble Guy: …you know, if we’re both awake an…
Mrs Humble: (interrupting) No.
Mr Humble Guy: Alright, I’m getting up.

So I haven’t yet heard back from the client, but hopefully that’s the end of it. I really hope that’s the end of it...