Gee, it's about bloody time...

Alright, I'm back. Kind of a funny thing to say, considering that I didn't really go anywhere, but I've been so damn busy lately that I felt like I was wasting time if I went to the bathroom to take a leak (which immediately reminds me of a line from Dumb and Dumber..."Just go, man")

So, how should I recap? Well, it's a bit late now, but suppose I should start with Saturday. One of my great friends Jim (who you'll recall from the story Tops! Selling Good Times in Liquid Form since 1954) has now moved to Calgary, and Saturday was going to be his last day in Edmonton. So of course, we had to send him off with one last hurrah with his buddies. Even Brad (from Brad to the Bone: check the links section) had came up for it. The thing is, when the whole lot of us get together, we become quite the classy bunch. We had a 15 minute conversation about how funny it would be if someone had a prosthetic wang with either a hook or pinchers on the end, and likewise, how difficult sex would be with it. Jim then proceeded to show us how you could grab someones lips with said prosthetic wang. The kicker is that we were talking about this during the supper hour at Red Robin, so we had a few "none-too-pleased" families all around us. Whatever. Obviously I don't care what these people think, and if the parents didn't want their kids hearing our conversation about prosthetic wangs, they should have went to the Brewsters that wouldn't let us in.

Also of note is the fact that Brad and I decided to skip the whole eating thing and have beer for supper. It's not so much that I wanted to get drunk...I just wanted to abuse Red Robin's "Bottomless Fries" gimmick. There were enough people getting stuff that I could just have a few fries from everyone, and whoever wanted more could get their basket of fries refilled for free. Unfortunately, by "basket of fries", I mean "twelve fries". Seriously. And it's not like these are super-huge fries and twelve fries filled the basket...they're just don't feel like putting any more in. I'm not impressed, but I don't really feel like complaining, since all that I'm going to be paying for is my 1-9th of the jugs of beer.

So after supper, we decide to get a few cigars (you know, to kill time inbetween drinks). Fortunately, a friend of my boss opened up a nice cigar shop recently that happened to be close by, so we stopped in there and picked up a few nice Montecristo's, although I'm pretty sure the guy working there thought I was going to steal something. I think I even caught a glimpse of him giving me the Robert deNiro "I've got my eyes on you" hand gesture. Being that he was a 230lb ex-bouncer and I'm a 130lb ex-nothing, I waited until I was way out of sight before I gave him a hand gesture of my own.

Back at Jim's place, we proceeded to have a few drinks, a few cigars, talk about a few Tucker Max stories, and play a bit of Xbox. Jim is constantly cheating while we're playing Halo 2 (which is what I say when he's winning), but I do pretty well. However, having learned my lesson about staying out too late (also see the Tops! story), I call it a night and return home while I'm still sober (and, as a bonus, not in the doghouse!)

Okay, so you say, "But Mr Humble Guy, that's only Saturday. Where have you been since then?". And I says Keep your fucking panties on, I'm getting to that.

Sunday: I did laundry and played Xbox at home. Wow. That's creative gold right there. You can expect my first book, "What I did on Sunday", in stores this summer.

Monday and Tuesday: Work my bloody ass off trying to meet some deadlines. I can't talk about this too much, due to the fact that it's boring, but the main idea is that I've got a major website that is set to launch this Monday, and I've got to get some designs finished for an annual report so the client can approve it. A bunch of major stuff, and none of it is done. I'm not too happy.

The thing about a 14 hour work day is that it's not too bad if you know that it's coming. Normally, I work an 8 hour day. It's a good amount of time to work...decent break times, nice lunch hour. But I knew that this week was going to be hell, and there was going to be a bunch of overtime, so I was prepared for it when it happened on Tuesday. What I wasn't prepared for was a 14 hour work day with no lunch break, no coffee break, no nothing break. I worked from 8:00am to 10:00pm getting this shit done. Let me tell you something: if my client isn't OhmygodthisissogoodthatIwanttoboneyourighthereonthetable happy with this project, I'm just going to snap.

So now it's Wednesday, and everything seems to have come around nicely. The major website is going along well, and I was able to get some sample prints of the annual report design to show my clients. If that meeting goes well, I'll be laughing. If not, well, no amount of "prosthetic wang" conversation will be able to cheer me up.