A threesome was only a car alarm away...

I'll start this story off by telling you the best part...I'm sandwiched between two of the hottest girls you could imagine, and they both want me. They want me bad. And just as I think one of them is about to whisper something sexy in my ear, she opens her mouth and goes, "AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH! AAAANNGH!".

While some nature enthusiast might point out the peculiar sound she was making was actually part of the mating ritual of the female trumpeter swan, I figure that I'm just dreaming, so I open my eyes to find out what is going wrong.

Those who know me well have probably heard that when I first wake up in the morning, I'm retarded. Seriously, all comprehension and reasoning skills take at least an extra four minutes to wake up after I do. The clock says 2:37, which is an odd time for the clock alarm to be going off. What is even odder is that we never set the clock alarm. We actually wake up to the TV. Again, because I'm retarded, it takes me a couple of minutes to figure out that it wasn't my clock alarm that was going off.

No, the source of the racket was a car alarm. Quite possibly the greatest invention of all time. No doubt that everyone in the neighbourhood was quickly rallying to defend this persons possession from some evildoer. "A car alarm?!? Going off in Edmonton?!? We must rush to this mans aid!!!"

But seriously, no one cares when a car alarm goes off anymore. Everyone takes a peek out the window to make sure it's not theirs, then they get pissed off that someone else is to blame for the terrible racket. The attitude is: If it's not mine, it's not my business.

So after about ten minutes, the alarm finally stops. I've got a few more hours of sleeping left to do, so I decide to try and get back to the peppermint twins.

Fast forward to twenty minutes later: the same damn car alarm goes off. So I stumble over to the window to see what the hell is going on, and I see this poor bastard absolutely frustrated with his vehicle. You can only imagine how embarassed this guy probably is. I feel a bit sorry for him, but that doesn't stop me from shouting obscenities.