Sugary Sweetness...

The adult in me wants a breakfast cereal that has at least some nutritional value. The kid in me still likes Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Really, if it weren't for mentioning a rival breakfast product, I would be a walking Mini-Wheats commercial.

So as you can see, I have a small problem when it comes to breakfast. I'm trying to eat a little bit healthier, but unless a cereal has a significant amount of sugar, it won't make it into my shopping cart. It just seems like so many different cereals that try to be healthier just end up tasting like ass.

And no, I've never tasted ass.

Shreddies: I might as well be eating drywall.

All Bran (or any other high-fiber cereal): I don't have a few free hours to spend on the toilet holding on for dear life.

Special K: Okay, I'd admit that this one doesn't taste bad. It doesn't taste like anything, actually. You put it in your mouth and go, "What the hell?" If it didn't crunch, you wouldn't even know it was there. It's the fucking stealth commando of breakfast cereal.

And I try to give all these cereals an honest try, too. I'll usually try to finish the box before I make a final judgement.

Anyway, in Canada we have this new cereal called "Tony's Turboz" (in the US I believe it is marketed as "Tiger Power").

It's supposed to be a cereal with a bunch of balanced nutrients and "just the right amount of sweetness". I'm thinking that this is exactly what I need. It's aimed at kids, so how bad could it be? So, I decided to give it a try.

Well, "just the right amount of sweetness" means "it tastes like tree sap". It tasted so horrible, I couldn't even finish the box. I had a hard time finishing what was in my bowl.

I should have known better when I saw that Tony doesn't mention on the front cover that this cereal is GR-R-REAT. I mean, he's pretty liberal with his compliments.

Yet he doesn't mention it anywhere on the box. Maybe he had a moral objection to selling a horribly flavoured cereal?

Tony: Hey kids! Try my new cereal! It's GR-R-NOT THAT GOOD!

Well, I'm sure you can guess my final verdict. Tony's Turboz, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.